


What I Never Told You

by TheRealBurgerKing



Category: ARMY - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Jungkook running from his problems, M/M, Unrequited Love
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-11-14
Updated: 2019-06-01
Packaged: 2019-08-23 17:44:18
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,987
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16623533
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheRealBurgerKing/pseuds/TheRealBurgerKing
Summary: Jungkook realizes how he feels for Jimin, but he is too late.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> (I have to kill myself inside…  
> Swallow my tears…  
> And put on a smiling mask…)

    Jungkook stared at the boy from across the room. Jimin’s smile, Jimin’s laugh, Jimin’s eyes… It all made Jungkook’s heart flutter. Out of the blue, strong movement jostled him out of his daydream. The black-haired boy turned crossly to tell off the intruder. His best friend Taehyung, a.k.a V, glared right back at him, wrinkling his nose cutely. They were squashed together, as Taehyung had flopped down to share Jungkook’s armchair with him. “I see you, Kook. I see you, staring at him.” Taehyung’s deep voice was half teasing, half ‘I told you so’.

    Jungkook shook his head and sighed. “I really don’t know what to do. It hurts… but it’s not his fault.” As he spoke, Jungkook watched as Min Yoongi, Jimin’s boyfriend, arrived, and Jimin happily bounced over to join him.

    Taehyung shook his head as well, eyes trained on Jungkook’s profile. “You had your chance. I told you so many times, ‘Do it now, while you have a  chance’. But no, each and every time, it was ‘No, not yet. I’m waiting for the right time’. Well, you waited too long, my friend.”

    Jungkook bit back a sharp retort. Taehyung was right, Jungkook had waited too long. But his pride wasn’t ready to admit that yet. “I wasn’t sure of how exactly he felt for me. I was biding my time, trying to figure it out before I confessed,”

    Taehyung gaped at him. “Jeon Jungkook, how dumb can you be?! You are so blind!”

    Jungkook jerked his head back, offended. He wasn’t dumb, he was a straight A’s student! (Except for English… and math… But anyway)

    Seeing his expression, Taehyung smacked himself in the forehead repeatedly. For added drama, he grabbed his hair and groan-growled in frustration. “Jungkook, I don’t mean academically dumb, I mean thick-headed and blind when it comes to people loving you!”

    “He didn’t love me! We were only friends!”

    “He practically threw himself on you!”

    “I thought that was just him being affectionate. I didn’t think…”

    “Idiot! Of course you didn’t think that! You couldn’t see how much he adored you, how much he wanted to be with you. I know you thought he was a tad bit annoying, but this was how he satisfied his need to just exist at your side. And you pushed him away. You crushed his heart. That is why he chose Yoongi. Yoongi healed him when he was broken, held him when he cried. Cried over you, cried over his heartbreak, heartache. And you never noticed. Until now. When it’s too late.”

    Jungkook averted his eyes guiltily, swallowing thickly. He could feel eyes on him. Their argument had drawn the attention of their dormmates. Peeking up through his lashes, Jungkook could see Jimin and Yoongi watching him. Jimin looked worried. His eyes jumped to Taehyung, who looked, well, annoyed. “I’m sorry, hyung,” he whispered around the lump in his throat. He truly had been unaware, but now that he knew how much he had hurt Jimin, he was angry at himself. Maybe even hated himself. Jungkook stood up and fixed his shirt, before walking out, forcing himself to take his time.

    Once out of the room, Jungkook jogged slightly, grabbing his jacket as he passed the coat hook. He paused by the the student check-in/check-out book. He didn’t know where he was going or what he was planning on doing. It really depended on where he found himself walking. Running a hand through his black hair, he turned and continued on his way, leaving the paper empty.

    The streets were dark and cold as Jungkook wandered down them. His feet guided him, everywhere and nowhere in particular. Suddenly, he stopped. Why he stopped, he didn’t know - his eyes were closed. Blinking them open, he realized he was standing on the bank of the Han river. He sighed and carefully sat down on the edge. Staring into its depths, he mind was blank. Hearing laughter, he looked up - to see a boy and a girl, a couple, running past holding hands, waving sparklers. They looked at each other with so much love. Jungkook’s heart ached. 

    Heaving another sigh, Jungkook returned to moodily staring at the river. Its depths looked deep and inviting. A voice broke into his thoughts. “Young man, do you mind if I join you?” He glanced over his shoulder. A woman who appeared to be in her 60s seated herself beside him. “You look like you need a listening ear.” Jungkook nodded slightly, studying his sneakers. “So tell me, what is a boy like you doing out at this time of night?”

    Jungkook cursed his shaky voice as he responded, “Well, I needed fresh air to clear my mind, and time to process what my friend just told me.” She nodded empathetically, but didn’t speak. “He told me… My friend told me… that our other friend loved me. I pushed that other friend away because I couldn’t see how he felt. Now I’ve realized my own feelings for him, he’s dating someone else. I don’t know what to do.”

    The woman nodded. “I understand. My advice to you is to move on. If it is too difficult to do around that person, and it is possible, remove yourself.” Jungkook gazed at the woman, then back at the water. He heard her stand up and leave, and he turned his head to thank her. But she was gone. Jungkook knew what he needed to do.

    He would return to his mother in Busan. He would attend university there. He would miss Taehyung, of course. But he would move on. No Jimin to break his heart. No Yoongi to cause him pain. No Taehyung to talk his ear off about something dumb.

    Jungkook pushed himself to his feet and headed to the bus stop.


	2. Chapter 2

    Jungkook sat on the bed in his dorm room. He stared down at his knees, his jeans old and worn. Behind him lay Taehyung, fast asleep. The older boy had fallen asleep in Jungkook’s bed, hugging Jungkook’s pillow. The black-haired boy felt bad for leaving and making Taehyung worried enough to comfort himself in Jungkook’s space. Taehyung’s brow was knitted and his lips were pressed together. Apparently, his concern hadn’t left him in sleep. 

    Jungkook looked down at Taehyung’s face and hot tears pricked his eyes. He reached and pressed his palm to Taehyung’s cheek, rubbed the forehead crease, smoothed the wrinkles. A single teardrop slid down his cheek. Jungkook leaned down and rested his forehead in the crook of Taehyung’s neck. Taehyung didn’t wake up, but he turned his head to brush against Jungkook’s. This simple gesture caused the tears to flow, racing down Jungkook’s cheeks and soaking Taehyung’s shirt. Astonishingly, this did not wake Taehyung, not the wetness, not Jungkook’s soft sobs, not even Jungkook’s body shaking on top of him.

    Jungkook pushed himself back up and took one last look at Taehyung’s face. He couldn’t spend any more time here; if he did, he wouldn’t be able to leave. Jungkook jogged around the room, packing his few belongings. He washed his face in the bathroom and walked out, not looking back. The hallway was dark and silent, empty of all students.

    Busan was only a few miles from the university, and the last bus had already left. Jungkook sighed and rubbed his face. It’s ok, it was karma. He deserved this. It was fine; Jungkook was on the track team, he had the stamina to walk that far.

    Luckily for Jungkook, no one tried to kidnap him, and he arrived at his parents’ home two hours later. His mother was surprised but joyful to see her son again. His father had died when Jungkook was 5 years old, so he wasn’t there to see him. “Jungkookie, what are you doing here? Don’t tell me you walked all this way in the middle of the night.” Jungkook didn’t speak, but that was an answer in itself. Eomma sighed and touched his cheek. “Baby, I let you go to that university because you promised you would take care of yourself. Walking home alone in the middle of the night is not taking care of yourself.”

    Jungkook averted his eyes, the tears remaining from back at the dorm resurfacing. His mother took his face in her hands and kissed his cheeks. “What’s wrong, my baby? Tell me what’s wrong.” Jungkook sniffled and moved closer, pressing his face to her neck, even though he was a little taller than her. His knees turned to jello and he slid to the ground, Eomma moving with him. She held him to her chest as he sobbed, and he felt like a small child again, safe and sound in his mother’s arms.

    Jungkook rubbed his eyes and leaned back, peering up at Eomma. “Eomma… you remember Jimin, right? Earlier, Taehyung told me he loved me… I never noticed, and now… I’ve lost him forever. Eomma, I waited too long. Eomma, I messed up badly. I can’t stay there; if I am to move on, I must remove myself from the university.” Jungkook continued to stare up at her, unconsciously doing puppy-dog eyes. 

    Eomma sighed. “Jungkook… We’ll try. This’ll have to wait until the morning. Go sleep in your old bedroom, everything is still in there. I can’t say you made the right choice; you will have to tell me everything before I can decide.”

    Jungkook nodded and picked himself up. “Ok, thanks.” He kissed his mother’s cheek and headed to the doorway, and turned back. “Goodnight, Mama. I missed you.”

    His mother smiled sadly, her hand over her heart. “Goodnight, Baby. Sleep well."


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's note: I do not know how Korean universities do their applications and student acceptances

When Jungkook woke the next morning, his legs and chest ached. His cheeks felt clammy from the unwashed tear stains. He hoped Taehyung hadn’t started panicking yet - Jungkook was going to send him an email with an explanation. But first, he needed to talk to his mother.

Jungkook slowly rolled out of bed, taking time to gather his bearings as he went. He squeezed the fuzzy carpet next to the bed between his toes. Taking in his surroundings, he realized the room had barely changed in two years. His old posters still hung on the wall, the old pictures still sat on the desk. Stumbling to his backpack, Jungkook pulled out his phone and brought up his email. He took his time writing the email, thinking through each sentence carefully.

_Dear Taehyung,  
I’m so sorry for disappearing. I hope I didn’t worry you too much.  
I’m back living with my mother.  
After discussing options with her, she supports my decision to change schools.  
As soon as I finish registration, I’ll be going to Kyungsung University.  
It’s early enough in the semester to still get in._

_I understand if you are mad; please don’t hold this against me.  
I can still see you again when you come home!  
And now you get a room to yourself, am I right?_

_I love you a lot, okay? Take care of yourself for me._

_Love, Jungkook_

After rereading the email several times, Jungkook hit send and padded out the door to the bathroom.

***

The rest of the house was exactly as Jungkook had remembered it. The light blue walls, the lacy white curtains. His mother’s favorite decorative pillows on the couch.

In the kitchen sat the mother and son, eating a simple breakfast as Jungkook poured out the whole story. Eomma nodded now and then as she listened, showing neither approval nor disapproval. Jungkook felt many emotions as he spoke, the final one being relief. Talking helped him to understand his own feelings.

Although Eomma seemed to at least slightly disapprove of his rash decisions, she welcomed him home. Kyungsung University was only 10 minutes away - an easy walk from home. Jungkook could continue to major in Astronomy there, while still living at home.  
Now they just needed to start the application.


End file.
